You met someone on a dating app, matched with someone amazing, and now comes the hard part: actually texting her without messing it up.
If you’re staring at that empty message box wondering what to say, you’re not alone. Most guys struggle with texting women online. They either come on too strong, play it too safe, or just… bore her to death. And before they know it, she’s stopped replying.
Here’s the good news: texting women doesn’t have to be complicated. Once you understand a few basic principles and avoid the common mistakes that kill conversations, you’ll be setting up dates left and right.
In this guide, I’m going to show you exactly how to text a girl online, from that crucial first message all the way to getting her to meet up in person. No weird tricks or manipulation tactics, just honest advice that actually works.
Let’s get into it.
How to Text a Girl: The Do’s and Don’ts of First Messages
Your first message is everything. It’s your one chance to make an impression and convince her you’re worth talking to. Mess this up, and you’ll never hear from her again. Get it right, and you’re already halfway to a date.
What Makes a Good First Message
A great first message to make her text back does three things: it shows you actually looked at her profile, it gives her something easy to respond to, and it hints that you’re someone interesting to talk to.
Here’s what actually works when you’re texting a girl. Reference something specific from her profile. If she mentions she loves hiking, ask about her favorite trail. If there’s a photo of her traveling somewhere cool, ask what took her there. This immediately separates you from the hundred other guys who just said “hey beautiful.”
Keep it short and conversational. You’re not writing a novel here. Two to three sentences is perfect. Think of it like starting a conversation at a party, not delivering a speech. You want to spark her interest, not overwhelm her.
Ask an engaging question. Questions work because they give her something to respond to. But skip the boring interview questions like “how was your day?” Instead, try something playful or interesting that will make her fall in love based on what you know about her.
Here are some conversation starters for texting that actually get responses. “I saw you’re into photography. What kind of camera do you use? I’ve been thinking about upgrading from my phone.” Or “Okay, I need to know the story behind that photo with the llama. That looks like it has to be interesting.”
Notice how these are casual, specific, and easy to answer? That’s the sweet spot.
Related: How to Meet Single Women Online
The Biggest First Message Mistakes
Now let’s talk about what NOT to do when texting women, because honestly, most guys sabotage themselves right out of the gate.
Never send just “hey” or “hi” with nothing else. It’s lazy, and she gets fifty of those messages a day. You’re basically asking her to do all the work of starting the conversation. Why would she bother?
Don’t lead with compliments about her looks. Yeah, she’s attractive. She knows. Every guy tells her that. Saying “you’re gorgeous” doesn’t make you stand out—it makes you blend in with everyone else. Save the compliments for later, and when you do give them, make them about something other than her appearance.
Avoid copying and pasting the same message to everyone. Women can tell when you’re sending the same generic message to fifty matches. It feels impersonal and frankly kind of insulting. Take thirty seconds to personalize it.
Skip the sexual or overly forward comments. I shouldn’t have to say this, but apparently I do. Leading with anything sexual is an instant unmatch for most women. Even if you’re both just looking for something casual, there’s a time and place, and the first message isn’t it.
Don’t write a novel. If your first message is more than four sentences, you’re trying too hard. Keep it light and breezy. You’ll have plenty of time to share your life story later.
Related: Good Morning Messages to make her text back
How to Keep Conversations Interesting
Okay, she responded to your first message. Great start. Now the real work begins—you need to keep her interested long enough to actually set up a date.
This is where most guys lose momentum. The conversation starts off fine, but then it just… dies. She stops responding, or her replies get shorter and less enthusiastic. Here’s how to avoid that.
Build on What She Says
The biggest mistake guys make is treating texting like an interrogation. They ask a question, she answers, they ask another question, she answers, and it goes on until she gets bored and ghosts.
Real conversations flow naturally. When she tells you something, respond to it with your own thoughts or experiences before asking your next question. This is how you keep a girl interested over text.
Let’s say she mentions she went hiking last weekend. Instead of just asking “where did you go?” try this: “Nice! I love hiking but I’m terrible at remembering to bring enough water. Last time I nearly died on the trail.” Then ask: “Where’s your favorite spot around here?”
See the difference? You’re sharing something about yourself, showing personality, and then asking a follow-up question. It feels like an actual conversation instead of an interview.
When texting women online, don’t just exchange information. Tell stories. Stories are memorable and give her a sense of who you are.
Instead of saying “I like traveling,” tell her about the time you got completely lost in Tokyo and ended up at some random family’s dinner table. Instead of “I work in marketing,” share a funny story about your worst client or a project that went hilariously wrong.
Stories create connection. They’re interesting, they reveal your personality, and they give her plenty of material to respond to.
Use Voice Notes and Photos
Text is great, but after a while, conversations can feel a bit flat. Mix things up with voice notes or photos.
Voice notes are especially powerful for online dating conversation because she gets to hear your actual voice, your tone, your sense of humor. It makes you feel more real and less like just another profile.
Same with photos. Not selfies necessarily, but photos of what you’re doing. If you’re at a cool coffee shop, send a pic. If you see something funny or interesting, share it. It keeps the conversation dynamic and shows you’re thinking about her throughout your day.
Know When to Keep It Light and When to Go Deeper
Early conversations should be fun and flirty. You’re getting to know each other, seeing if there’s chemistry, keeping things playful. This isn’t the time for heavy topics like your ex, your family drama, or your existential crisis about the meaning of life.
But as you get more comfortable, don’t be afraid to go a bit deeper. Ask about her passions, what she’s working toward, what matters to her. Real connection happens when you move past surface-level chitchat.
The key is reading the room. If she’s keeping things light and fun, match that energy. If she starts opening up about more personal stuff, that’s your green light to do the same.
Avoid These Conversation Killers
Some texting habits will absolutely murder your chances. Here’s what to avoid:
One-word responses. If she’s giving you full sentences and you’re replying with “cool” or “nice,” she’ll assume you’re not interested and move on.
Taking forever to respond. Look, nobody expects instant replies, but if you’re consistently taking eight hours to respond to every message, the conversation loses momentum. Strike a balance between not seeming desperate and not seeming like you don’t care.
Talking only about yourself. If every response circles back to you and your life without showing interest in hers, you’ll come across as self-absorbed. Conversations are a two-way street.
Being negative or complaining. Nobody wants to text someone who’s constantly whining about their job, their ex, or how dating apps suck. Keep the vibe positive, at least in the beginning.
Moving from Online Chat to Real Dates
Here’s the truth: the point of texting women online isn’t to become pen pals. It’s to meet up in person and see if there’s something real there. That means you need to know when and how to move things from the app to actual dates.
When to Ask for Her Number
Timing matters here. Ask too soon, and you seem pushy. Wait too long, and the conversation fizzles out or she loses interest.
Generally, you want to exchange 10 to 20 messages over a day or two before suggesting you move off the app. By that point, you’ve established some rapport and she feels comfortable enough to share her number.
How you ask matters too. Keep it casual and give her a reason. “I’m enjoying talking to you, but I’m not on this app much. Want to switch to text?” works perfectly.
Or you can tie it to suggesting a date: “We should grab coffee this weekend. What’s your number? I’ll text you the details.”
If she’s hesitant, don’t push it. Suggest a video call instead, which feels safer for a lot of women. “No worries! Want to do a quick video call instead? I’d love to chat face-to-face, even if it’s just virtual for now.”
Suggested: How to get an interested girl’s Number Online to text
How to Suggest Meeting Up
The key to successfully moving from text to a real date is being specific and confident. Don’t be wishy-washy with something like “we should hang out sometime.” That’s too vague and puts all the planning pressure on her.
Instead, suggest something concrete. “I know a great coffee place downtown. Are you free Saturday afternoon?” This is direct, low-pressure, and gives her an easy yes or no.
If she says she’s busy that day, don’t take it personally. Just offer an alternative: “No problem! How about Sunday, or sometime next week?” If she keeps making excuses without suggesting alternatives, she’s probably not that interested. Move on.
Suggesting a Video Call First
Video calls have become pretty standard before first dates, and honestly, they’re a smart move. You can confirm the person is real, see if there’s any chemistry, and save yourself from wasting an evening on someone you don’t click with.
When suggesting a video call, frame it as a fun, casual thing. “Want to do a quick video chat before we meet? I think it’d be nice to see each other face-to-face, even if it’s just on screen.”
Keep the call short—15 to 20 minutes is plenty. Treat it like a vibe check, not the actual date. If it goes well, confirm your in-person plans at the end.
What to Text Between Confirming the Date and Meeting Up
You’ve set the date. Great. Now what do you text between now and then?
Keep it light and keep the connection warm without overdoing it. Send a message or two every couple of days. Maybe share something funny you saw, or mention you’re looking forward to meeting up.
Avoid having long, deep conversations during this time. You don’t want to run out of things to talk about before you even meet. Save the good stuff for the actual date.
The day before, confirm the plans: “Still good for tomorrow at 3? I’m looking forward to it.” This shows you’re organized and gives her a chance to reschedule if something came up.
On the day of, a quick text an hour or so before works: “Heading out soon. See you at Coffee Bar in a bit!” It’s casual and confirms you’re both still on the same page.
Red Flags to Watch For When Texting Women
Not every conversation is worth your time. Some women just aren’t that into you, some are playing games, and some are straight-up scammers. Here’s how to spot the warning signs and know when to cut your losses.
Signs She’s Not Really Interested
Sometimes you’ll match with someone who seems cool, but the conversation just doesn’t flow. Here are the texting red flags that she’s probably not feeling it.
She gives you one or two-word answers consistently. If you’re sending thoughtful messages and getting back “yeah,” “lol,” or “cool,” she’s not invested. You shouldn’t have to pull teeth to get a real response.
She never asks you questions. Conversations are a two-way thing. If she’s only answering your questions but never asking anything about you, she doesn’t care enough to get to know you.
She takes days to respond. Look, everyone’s busy, but if she consistently takes two or three days to reply to every message, you’re not a priority. Someone who’s actually interested will make time to respond within a reasonable timeframe.
She keeps canceling or rescheduling plans. Once or twice is fine—life happens. But if she’s constantly bailing or being vague about when she’s free, she’s either not interested or juggling too many other options.
When you notice these patterns, the best move is to just stop putting in effort. Don’t send a dramatic “you’re clearly not interested” message. Just match her energy—if she’s barely responding, stop messaging her and focus on matches who actually seem excited to talk to you.
Spotting Players and Time Wasters
Some people use dating apps for attention and validation without any intention of actually meeting up. Here’s how to spot them.
They’re super flirty and responsive at first, then suddenly disappear for days, then come back like nothing happened. This hot-and-cold pattern usually means you’re one of many people they’re talking to, and they only engage when they’re bored.
They never agree to meet up but keep the conversation going indefinitely. You suggest coffee, they say “maybe next week.” Next week comes, and they’re “too busy.” This can go on for months if you let it. Don’t let it.
They’re constantly posting on social media but claim they’re too busy to text back or meet up. If someone has time to post Instagram stories all day but can’t find 30 minutes for coffee, they’re not interested.
The solution? Set a boundary. If you’ve been talking for two weeks and she won’t commit to meeting up, be direct: “I’m enjoying our conversations, but I’m really looking to meet people in person. Let me know if you’d be up for grabbing coffee this week.” If she dodges again, move on.
Identifying Scammers and Catfish
Unfortunately, dating apps have their share of scammers and fake profiles. Here’s what to watch for.
She’s way too eager to move off the app to some random messaging platform you’ve never heard of. Real people are fine using the dating app’s chat or normal texting. Scammers want to get you onto platforms where they can’t be reported.
She avoids video calls at all costs. If someone always has an excuse for why they can’t video chat, even after you’ve been talking for a while, that’s a huge red flag. They’re probably not who they claim to be.
She starts asking for money or favors. This should be obvious, but scammers often build rapport first, then suddenly have some emergency where they need financial help. Don’t fall for it. Block and report.
Her photos look professionally done or model-quality in every single one. Do a reverse image search on Google. If her photos show up on modeling sites or belong to someone else entirely, you’ve found a catfish.
Trust your gut. If something feels off about the conversation or the person, it probably is. It’s better to be cautious and potentially miss out on one real person than to waste weeks on someone who’s playing games or worse.
When to Walk Away
Sometimes you just need to cut your losses and move on. Here are the situations where you should stop wasting your time:
The conversation has been going nowhere for more than a week. If you’re both still exchanging pleasantries and generic small talk after seven days of messaging, there’s no chemistry. Move on to someone more engaging.
She’s rude, disrespectful, or playing mind games. Life’s too short to deal with someone who’s mean, manipulative, or treats you like an option instead of a priority.
You’ve realized you’re just not that compatible. Maybe through texting you’ve discovered you have completely different values, lifestyles, or relationship goals. That’s fine. Better to figure it out now than after wasting time on a date.
She ghosts you. If someone stops responding out of nowhere, don’t send follow-up messages begging for a reply. Just move on. If she comes back later with some excuse, you can decide if it’s worth giving her another chance, but don’t sit around waiting.
The key is to value your time and energy. There are plenty of women on dating apps. Don’t get hung up on one person who’s not showing you the same enthusiasm you’re showing them.
Final Tips for Texting a Girl
We’ve covered a lot, so let’s wrap this up with some final wisdom that’ll help you succeed.
First, be yourself. I know that sounds like generic advice, but it’s true. Trying to be someone you’re not is exhausting, and it doesn’t work long-term anyway. The right person will like you for who you actually are.
Second, don’t overthink every message. Yes, put some thought into what you’re saying, but don’t spend 20 minutes crafting the perfect response. Keep it natural and spontaneous. Overthinking kills your natural personality.
Third, know when to be patient and when to move on. Some connections take time to develop. Others are dead in the water from the start. Learn to tell the difference.
Fourth, remember that rejection is just part of the process. Not every woman you match with will be interested. Not every conversation will lead somewhere. That’s completely normal. Don’t take it personally, and don’t let it discourage you.
Fifth, focus on having fun. Online dating and texting women should be enjoyable, not stressful. If you’re not having a good time, take a break. Come back when you’re in a better headspace.
And finally, always be respectful. No matter how frustrated you get, no matter how many times you get ghosted or rejected, never be rude or disrespectful to the women you’re talking to. Treat people the way you’d want to be treated.
Texting women online is a skill, and like any skill, you get better with practice. You’re going to make mistakes and send messages that go nowhere. You’re going to misread situations. That’s all part of learning.
But if you follow the principles in this guide—being genuine, staying engaging, knowing when to move things forward, and recognizing when to walk away—you’ll be way ahead of most guys out there.
Now stop overthinking it and go send that first message. You’ve got this.
Ready to level up your dating game? Join our community where guys share their wins, get advice on tricky situations, and support each other through the ups and downs of online dating. Click here to join and start connecting with others who are on the same journey.
Leave a Reply